


A Heart in Need of Healing

by Willowflower_Waterlily



Series: Ella [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-08 23:10:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3226997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowflower_Waterlily/pseuds/Willowflower_Waterlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After her victory, Ella is left alone with a broken heart. Will her friends be able to see her through her pain? (Any chapters not rated general audiences will be noted as such at the top of the chapter.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She tries to keep it together, until the war is over. Ella Lavellan knows her friends know, see her pain, but they are too tactful to mention it. Even Sera, who laughed at her lack of vallaslin. She avoids Solas, he who broke her heart. He removed her vallaslin, called her his heart, then walked away. _Keep it together, I must. I cannot afford to fall apart. Not now._ She thinks to herself as she absent mindedly goes through her tasks, trying to make it through the day. When Ella has to go away from Skyhold, she doesn't take Solas. It only confirms what her friends already knew. She takes Dorian, The Iron Bull, and Varric. They try to cheer her up on the road, a constant source of amusement, but... She can't bring herself to laugh just yet. Politely, she smiles, and her friends hide their worry from her. Plot their revenge in secret.

The day comes, and she defeats Corypheus. The world celebrates, but she feels hollow. He left Skyhold, never said good bye. Ella goes through the motions of the party, politely talking to all of her friends, and some of the guests, before sneaking off to her suite. Walking to her balcony, she looks at the healing sky and gives into her hurts. Breaking down, she falls to her knees, sobbing. All her sorrow at his walking away, his leaving for good manifests in sobs that wrack her body. Ella feels arms embrace her, in her agony, she did not realize she was not alone. Looking up, she sees Dorian. "I couldn't let my best friend suffer alone." He tells her, and holds her close. Ella sobs into his chest until she can cry no more. Slowly, he lifts her in his arms, and carries her to her bed. Humming soothingly, he helps her undress to her smalls, and tucks her into bed. "Let your heart heal, and when you are ready, there is one who loves you, and has loved you for a very long time." Ella sighs, and looks away from her friend.

"I don't believe in love anymore."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole and Dorian try to help.

Cole gazes down upon Ella, wondering if he can help. If she would let him help. Deciding to try, he appears before her. "All alone. He left me. Broken heart. Pain. He said he loved me, then he left. How can there be such a thing as love? I must steel myself. Never let anyone in like I let him."

"Cole..." Ella growls, as Dorian looks on in sympathy. His hand on her shoulder goes ignored as she stares at the boy spirit.

"I can help you, make you forget." Ella shakes her head, sadly.

"I must remember. If I forget, I will make the same mistake again." She tries to steel herself, harden her heart. "I will not let that happen again."

"But you are sad. A darkness that threatens to consume the light in you. Please let me help." Cole glances at Dorian in a panic. He needs to help her, but is unsure of how to do it.

"You help by just being here. Help other people, I'm sure there are plenty of people that need you." Ella sighs, looking away briefly before facing Cole again. "I'm sorry to add to your burden, but please do not worry about me." Cole frowns before disappearing.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" Dorian asks her, his hand squeezing Ella's shoulder. She sighs, frustrated.

"Why am I constanly being asked if I need help? I'm fine." She replies, trying keep the anger from seeping into her voice, but failing miserably. Sighing, she stands and looks at the map on her table. "There are several rifts to be closed still, I'm going to get a group together. Are you in?" She asks, turning to face Dorian. He runs his hand through his hair, clearly annoyed at the change of topic. Ella chooses to ignore this, waiting on his answer.

"Of course, how could I let my best friend traipse about the wilderness without me. Who else will you be asking?"

"Iron Bull and Varric. Could you please let them know while I get my things together, and inform my councilors? Will be leaving at first light tomorrow." Ella turned away from Dorian, to spare herself the sight of his worried expression.

"Consider it done, my dear." Dorian turns to leave, stopping at the top of the stairs. "Please try and get some sleep, you need to rest." Ella sighs as she hears him descend toward the main hall. A hand on her map, she mumbles to herself, "If I sleep, I will dream of him."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen asks Dorian if he can help Ella.

The meeting is short. She calls her advisers together, and tells them of her plans. They're all tactful enough not to ask if she's okay. Ella chooses to ignore the worry in their eyes, when she talks to each of them, but she can't quite make eye contact with Cullen. She hopes he doesn't notice, but he does.

His golden eyes filled with worry, his face an open book, shows his wanting to help her. He doesn't seem to know how, so he decides to keep his distance, like Leliana and Josephine have. _There has to be a way I can help_ , he thinks to himself as Ella ends the meeting. Watching her walk away, he resolves to see Dorian. He can pick his mind over a game of chess. Parting with the other two advisers, he heads to the library, nodding to Varric on his way. What was Solas's study is exactly how he had left it. He took a moment to appreciate the mural that covered every inch of wall space in the room. All of Ella's accomplishments.

"They're amazing aren't they? Almost as amazing as myself." Dorian calls down from the library. Cullen looks up and rolls his eyes at the mage.

"Care to lose another game of chess? I wanted to talk to you about something." Cullen grins at his friend.

"Me, lose? You must be mistaken. Come on up, I have a board set, figured you would stop by before we left tomorrow." Cullen meets Dorian in a quiet niche in the library. Sitting at the board, they each make several moves before they speak.

"How has Ella been?" Cullen asks quietly, "In councils she tries to put up a front of being fine, but we can tell she's hurting. I know she eats, but I doubt she sleeps. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I don't know, my friend. She has been refusing help from everyone. In fact she gets angry if we even ask. My best advice would be to give her time. Maybe after this trip to close the remaining rifts is done, she'll be more accepting of our help."

"Won't it be dangerous for her to attempt to close the rifts not having slept in what, a week, at least?" Cullen exchanges a worried look with Dorian before eyeing the board again.

"We'll make sure she gets some sleep. Bull, Varric, and I will look out for her." Cullen breathes a sigh of relief, though, still worried about Ella.

"I know she's safe when the three of you are with her. Checkmate." The scarred side of his mouth curves up in a grin. "So how many is that in a row?"

"I knew there'd be no living with you when you won the first one," Dorian replies, with a cheeky grin. "Care for another?"

"Sure, prepare the board."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In camp between closing rifts.

"Boss, we've been out of Skyhold for two weeks. Have you gotten any sleep, at all?" Iron Bull eyes Ella appraisingly, already knowing the answer. Straightening her back to make herself seem taller, she glares at Iron Bull before stalking off toward the river. Iron Bull attempts to follow, but Dorian waves him off and follows her instead. "She needs to sleep Varric."

"I know Tiny, but forcing the issue won't help. I have a plan." Varric winks at him, making him suspicious of what the dwarf had planned. About an hour later, Dorian comes back into camp with a less angry Ella. Varric waves her over and hands her a mug. "Have a drink with me Shadow." Ella tilts her head in puzzlement at him as Iron Bull figures out Varric's plan. _Oh that sneaky bastard_ , he thinks to himself.

"You're not going to pester me about how I'm feeling or if I've slept?"

"Have I ever come across as the type to do that?" Varric asks, raising an eyebrow. Ella ponders that for a second and tentatively smiles at him, before downing her drink. The effects of the spiked drink are almost instantaneous.

"What...What did you do?" Ella looks at Varric, scared. He gives her an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry Shadow, but you need to sleep. It's been at least a month, and the most you've done is meditate." Ella glares at them all before collapsing into Dorian's arms and drifting off to sleep. "We should take turns keeping an eye on her, in case she has nightmares. The sleeping potion was just strong enough to get her to fall asleep, but not strong enough that she couldn't be shaken awake."

"I'll take the first shift." Dorian says to the other two, as he gently tucks Ella into her bed roll. "Get some rest while you can."


	5. Chapter 5

"Creators take that dwarf." Ella grumbles to herself as she kicks rocks into the lake. She looked around her and took in the scenery. The lake is surrounded by weeping willows, and a path lead away into the woods. Following the path, she admires the trees, ancient and beautiful, their branches dancing in the light breeze. At the end of the path was a cabin surrounded by flowers. She breaths in deeply, and feels calm for the first time in a month. Until she spots him. He walks out of the cabin, and toward her. Reaching for her daggers, she falls into a defensive crouch. "Do not dare come any closer, I will not hesitate to strike. That is your only warning." He stops, and frowns at her.

"Ma vhenan. Please let me explain." He tries to inch his way closer, but she refuses to let him any nearer.

"You are no longer allowed to call me that, nor are you allowed to use my name. If you must address me, it will be Inquisitor to you." Solas feels his heart shatter, the pieces leaving lingering pain through out his body. The woman he loves glaring at him, he knows he deserves it, but he wants to try and fix his mistake, to have her in his life again.

"I am sorry I left without saying goodbye. I should have, but I was afraid you would try to come with me. I had to do something alone."

"You could have said something or left a note, but you were too cowardly. How long did you know that you would have to leave me? How long did you know that you would break my heart?" Solas can only hang his head in shame under the weight of her glare, hurt visible in her eyes.

"From the beginning..."

"Then why? Why would you have even started courting me if you knew it would end like this?" Tears welling up in her eyes.

"I was jealous. I had wanted you all to myself. I saw how you looked at him, that human, and I wanted those looks to be mine." Solas looks up into Ella's confused eyes, and continues, "I wanted to be the one to look after you, the one to protect you. It should have been me that found you after Haven fell."

"You... You only wanted to be with me out of jealousy? To deny Cullen? How could you be so shallow?" Ella glares at him again, tears spilling from her eyes. "I used to think you were a good man, worthy of my love. No more, you aren't worth being hurt over. I will move on."

"Please! Please give me another chance," Solas begs her, falling to his knees. "Yes it is true that I started to court you because I was jealous, but that is not why I stayed. I truly did fall in love with you. I wanted and still want you by my side. Please let me make this right." Ella looks at him for moment, considering. Suddenly she hears Cullen off in the distance, calling to her. In a panic, he begs for her. She glances once more at Solas, then starts in to a run toward Cullen's voice. 


	6. Chapter 6

The scenery changes, and she is in a round room with stair leading up. In the middle of the room, is Cullen holding what looks to be her body. Surrounding him are demons, trying to break his defenses. Skillfully, she dances her way through them, killing them with swift stabs and slashes. When they are gone, she kneels in front of Cullen. Rocking back and forth, he clings to the dream version of herself and cries into its hair.

"I'm so sorry, I should have been there. I should have protected you." He sobs, lifting his face out of its hair, caressing it's cheek. "I should have told you I love you. I'll never get that chance now. How could I have been so foolish? I should have told you in Haven."

"Cullen!" Ella grabs him by the shoulders. " Cullen look at me, please. That is not me. Look up." He looks up, and is startled to see her, alive and well. He embraces her tightly, crying on her shoulder as she strokes his hair and hums a gentle lullaby.

"How can you be here, alive? I saw you tortured, killed." He looks into her eyes, pain in his golden eyes as he relives the events in his mind.

"This is a dream, lethallin. We are both asleep. I heard you and came to help." She places her hands on either side of his face and kisses his forehead. "Let me take you somewhere more pleasant." Holding him close, she wills the fade to bring them back to the lake with the weeping willows. Stars are reflected in the calm water, fireflies and magic lights dance around them. "This is much better. See, it's a dream. I can control them, even though I'm not a mage. Maybe I can help you again, see you through your nightmares." Cullen looks at her, blushing, a shy smile on his face.

"You would do that for me?" His face alight in wonder before flashing into a look of concern. "I was worried for you. Before tonight, when was the last time you slept?" Ella looks away for a second before returning his gaze, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.

"A couple of days after the fight at the temple of Mythal. I did not want to see Solas, I knew if I fell asleep I would see him. It was how we would spend time together." Ella looks down, ashamed. Cullen sighs and places his hand under her chin, gently bringing her gaze back to him. Tears run down her cheeks, a look of pure pain in her eyes pierces him through the heart. Gathering her up onto his lap, he holds her close as she leans into him and sobs. When her tears are spent she looks up at him, her eyes and cheeks puffy and red. "I am sorry, I never meant for you to be burdened with my baggage." Cullen pulls Ella close to him again, resting his cheek on her hair.

"You are never a burden to me," he says to her,"please let me help you. I want to help you, just as you want to help me." Wrapping his arms around her, a small smile forms on his lips as he breathes her scent in. She smells of crystal grace and elf root, soothing and healing. "I care for you, Ella. I have from the moment I first met you. I wish I told you sooner, maybe I could have saved you from this pain." Pulling away from him, Ella smiles and kisses him on the cheek. Blushing, he is at a loss for words.

"Maybe you could have, but we can't change it now. All we can do is go forward. Give me time to heal, and I'll let you know when I'm ready." Ella smiles at him, blushing at what she had heard him say in his nightmare. "When I'm ready, you could tell me what you wanted to in Haven." Cullen beams a smile at her, his eyes lighting up like golden suns.

"I would like that."

"As would I. I still want to help you with your nightmares, if you will let me." Cullen nods, not trusting himself to speak anymore. "Good, when you need me, just call for me, and I will find you." She places her hand on his face, and he places his hand over hers. "I think it's time we wake up now." As they fade away, a black wolf steps out from the shadows of the forest, and howls mournfully before fading away.


	7. Chapter 7

Exiting her tent, and walking toward the fire, Ella slowly pulls her daggers out and plays with them. Intricate dagger tricks while giving a meaningful look to Varric. By the look on Varric's face she knows he did not miss the implied meaning. "Shadow I'm sorry, I had to do something." Ella glares at him as she puts her daggers away.

"If _you_ ever do something like that again, I will exact revenge, and trust me I will not go lightly on you." Eyeing Dorian and The Iron Bull, she frowns. "Were you two in on this too?" They both shake their heads, looking somewhat frightened. Giving Varric a look that was a mixture of pure sorrow and angry, she turns away from him and studies her map. _Only a few more rifts to seal, maybe the dragons should be dealt with too_ , she thinks to herself as she ignores Bull's hovering. She touches the map as she counts the dragons that are still left. Bull's eyes wide and he jumps up and down like an excited child about to open a pile of presents.

"We're going to fight the dragons?! Please Boss, let's go kill them." He grabs her arm while begging. She hears audible groans from Varric and Dorian, and smiles to herself.

"Of course we can kill the dragons Bull, right after we seal the handful of rifts that are left." Bull slaps her on the back and goes back to cooking their meal. "I have to write my advisors and let them know we'll be out of Skyhold longer than originally planned."

_Dear Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine,_  
_We're are going to be out in the field longer than I had initially anticipated. There are a handful of rifts left to close, and after that we are going to kill the three dragons remaining before they claim any more innocent lives. We will make sure to be cautious and to not take too many risks when fighting them. Given that everything is so far spread out, I would anticipate that we will be back in Skyhold two or three months from now._

_Yours,_  
_Inquisitor Lavellan_


	8. Chapter 8

"She is afraid." Cullen looks up at Cole startled and worried. Cole looks back at him and frowns.

"Afraid how?"

"How was he able to break through my defenses? How did I let him get so close, so quickly? I can't let him get any closer, the hurt would be too much. Afraid, can't let myself feel these things. Love is a thing for children's stories, not something that's real." Cole sighs, upset. "I can't help her, she won't let me. You can help her. You've helped her before. And she can help you, still wants to help you." He disappears, leaving Cullen to ponder what he had said. Cullen's heart breaks for the pain Ella is in, and anger fills him because of Solas's actions. Weary from the day, he climbs up the stairs and prepares to go to bed. Before getting under the covers, he smells a bouquet he picked from the garden, crystal grace and elfroot. Laying on his back he stares up at the stars through the hole in his roof before drifting off to sleep.

He is at the lake again, but she is not. Cullen sighs, disappointed, before looking around. The trees are ancient and beautiful, and the lake itself is so calm it looks like a mirror. Breathing deeply, he is calm. Turning around, he sees a black wolf staring at his, its head tilted to the side, as though it were considering him. The wolf's eyes look eerily familiar. It is surrounded by a golden light and it changes shape. Cullen's curiosity at the creature becomes anger when he sees it is Solas. The two men eye each other, Cullen making no effort to hide his rage. Solas looks at him with shame in his eyes. "Do you love her?" Solas asks quietly.

"From the moment I met her." Cullen tries to control his anger at the elf. "Did you ever? Do you know the pain you caused her?" He tenses as he glares at Solas.

"I still love her, and I always will." Solas looks down for a moment, contemplating his next words. "I wish I had not caused her any pain, but I had to leave. The path I follow must be one walked alone." He two men stare at each other in silence, as if wondering how to deal with the information they had each received.

"Did he tell you that he started courting me because he did not want me to be with you?" Ella's voice startles them both. Cullen's mouth drops open, and Solas's cheeks burn with shame. Ella looks at Solas and frowns. "Because of you, I will never let anyone get that close ever again. I won't risk that pain... I should have known that love was only for fairy stories." She turns away from them both and walks toward the lake.

"You're wrong." Cullen approaches her, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. Ella pointedly does not look up at him as he continues. "Love is worth the risk. Please don't harden your heart, you are the most loving, caring person I ever met. Ella," he stands in front of her, trying to look into her eyes, "you've touched so many lives, helped so many people. You've taught them all that they are worth saving." Ella looks up at him, with tears in her eyes. "You taught me that I am worthy of being cared for and worried about. Please don't let your heart become hardened." Cullen places his hands on her cheeks, delicately wiping away her tears.

"You're just saying that because you have feelings for me..." Ella frowns at him.

"No!" Cullen blurts out. "No. Even if I did not have these feelings, I would say the same things. As a friend and an adviser. Please, let me help you." Cullen wraps his arms around Ella, and holds her close. Off to the side, alone and forgotten about, Solas watches them and sighs quietly. Changing back into a wolf, he walks away.


	9. Chapter 9

Four months later, Ella and her group return to Skyhold. All she can think of is a hot bath and her soft bed, but she's restless. Almost eager to go out again. Surprised at this, she ignores it and takes care of her horse. Dorian and Bull head off to the tavern for a drink or ten, and Varric lingers near by.

"Shadow..." Varric begins, unsure of what to say next. Ella had given him the cold shoulder the entire trip, only speaking to him when necessary.

"I'm still angry with you Varric. Friends, real friends don't do that to one another. To the Creators with your reason, it was wrong." Ella says, not facing him before she begins to brush her horse's mane, and feeds her an apple.

"You're right, I was wrong.I should have respected you and I swear I will never do anything like that again. Will you forgive me?" Varric looks at her, hopeful.

"In time," Ella says sighing. Kissing her horse on the muzzle, she turns to face Varric. "I need to go to a meeting, if you'll excuse me."

"Alright Shadow, you know where I'll be if you need me." Ella leaves Varric in the stables and heads to the war room. She hopes it'll be a short meeting so she can take a long bath and a nap.

Passing through Josephine's office, she nods at the ambassador before heading into the war room. Studying the map, she removes the markers for the last of the rifts and the dragons. The door opens behind her and she knows her advisers have finally arrived. She nods to each of them as they take their places around the table. "All known rifts and high dragons have been taken care of. There will be shipments of resources from the dragons, and materials from the rifts to be studied. Is there anything I should know about?" She looks up from the table at her advisers as they shake their heads. She turns to Josephine. "Any guests I should keep an eye out for?"

"No Inquisitor, not at the moment."

"Okay, good. If there's nothing else to be discussed, I'd really like a bath and a nap."

"I'm sure that's all we have for today." Leliana says, walking toward the door. "Josie, I have something I need to show you." Josephine follows her out, leaving Ella alone with Cullen. They both stared at the map, as if trying to commit it to memory before Ella musters enough courage to turn and walk for the door.

"Ella, wait please." She turns around to face Cullen. "I wanted to say thank you for helping me with my nightmares. I haven't had any more since that night." He smiles at her as he bridges the distance between them.

"I am glad I could help you." Ella flashes him a smile before taking a step back to walk away. "If you'll excuse me please, I am in dire need of a bath."

"Will you let me help you?" Cullen's smile is gone, replaced with a look of worry. Ella sighs and glances toward the map before looking back at him.

"I need you to understand that this isn't easy for me. I was betrayed, deeply betrayed and the wound is still there. It's hard for me to let anyone get close to me anymore." She frowns and looks at her feet as though they were the most interesting sight in the room. "And... And when I am near you, I feel as though I am at odds with myself. You have witnessed this first hand." Cullen steps forward and places his hand on her arm. Ella covers his hand with hers and looks up at him, tears silently falling down her cheeks. Taking her face in his hands, Cullen wipes away her tears and pulls Ella into an embrace.

"Whatever you need of me," he says before letting her go, "I will be here for you." Ella gives him a teary smile before turning to leave. She stops by the door and glances back at Cullen.

"Thank you, lethallin. That means a lot to me."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated M: 1 f bomb

"That training dummy has seen better days," Bull comments as Ella wipes the sweat off her brow. The training dummy in question is completely decimated, stuffing and fabric drifting off in the breeze. "I'm not sure what that training dummy had ever done to you Boss, but I'm sure there are better ways to work out your sexual frustration." Ella blushes at Bull's comment.

"This has nothing to do with sexual frustration, and everything to do with not stabbing the nobility that comes through here like they own the damn place." She frowns at Bull.

"Boss, you and I both know I can read you and everyone else here like an open book. You're still battling your feelings and you need to stop. Just let it go, and then go fuck the Commander."

"He is not completely wrong you know." Leliana says as she approaches them. "Shall we talk somewhere more private?"

"Of course Leliana, lead the way." Ella waves at Bull and follows the Spymaster back into the keep.

Settling down on Ella's sofa, each with a glass of wine, Leliana sighs. "I was in love twice. The first, Marjolaine, had betrayed me. The second was Neria Surana, the Hero of Ferelden. She and I had something not long after we first met, but then she fell in love with Alistair. I saw it coming, much as I see it with yourself, and Cullen." Ella blushes and waits for her to continue with her story. "I was happy for them, even though I was hurting. I was at their side when she killed the Archdemon, when she sacrificed her self to save us all. Poor Alistair... I can still see him holding her body and crying. They didn't deserve to be parted so cruelly." Leliana takes a sip of her wine, studying Ella while she does. "The pain will not go away, not completely," she says, answering an unspoken question. "But you can not let it rule your life either. In time you will move on, and it will be better than what you had before." The two women sit in silence, sipping their wine, pondering lost loves.


	11. Chapter 11

After a war council one day, Ella pulls Leliana and Josephine aside. "I was thinking we should have a ladies night, just us three and a bottle or two of wine over dinner.

"That sounds lovely. How about tonight?" Josephine asks, and both of the other women nod in agreement. "Fantastic, I'll tell the kitchen to have our dinners sent to the same place. Where should we have it?"

"I was thinking my room, I have a small table that would work, and it's one of the most private rooms in the keep." The women agree to meet at dinner, and part ways to start their paperwork.

Later in the evening, the women sit at a small table in Ella's room, eating drinking, and swapping bits of gossip.

"Have either of you noticed Cullen eating lately. I haven't seen him eating in the past week. I know he sometimes forgets to eat..." The other two women shake their heads.

"No, and I was starting to worry about him. Perhaps he is having issues eating, due to the his no longer taking lyrium." Josephine suggests. Ella thinks on this for a moment, as they silently finish their dinners.

"What does he like to eat?"

"His tastes are simple. Ferelden cuisine." Josephine says "Why do you ask?"

"When I was with my clan, I was the best cook, and I thought perhaps I could cook for him. Maybe he would eat if the food was brought to him."

"Just don't make Ferelden lamb and pea stew. Alistair made it once or twice during the blight. You would never know it was lamb." Leliana chuckles as she sips her wine.

It didn't surprise Ella that two days later, a Ferelden cookbook mysteriously found it's way to her desk. She sets off for the kitchen straight away and begins to cook. It's a labor of love for her, and she makes a full meal for Cullen. Calling for Cole in her mind, he appears before her.

"How can I help?" Cole begins, his eyes shining happily from under his wide brimmed hat.

"I need you to take this to Cullen, and make him forget you brought it to him. I've noticed he's not been eating lately, but he wouldn't want anyone to fuss over him." Cole smiles at her, and takes the plate.

  
"I can do that for you." He says and disappears. They continue to do this for weeks, Ella would make meals and snacks for Cullen and Cole would leave them for him in his office. Cullen is left wondering who left him such amazing food, and how they could have possibly gotten into his office with the food without him noticing. Then one day, he remembers Cole and heads off in his direction. Cole was standing in his usual place in the tavern, and smiles as Cullen approaches.

"Have you been leaving food in my office and making me forget you did it? Cole nods and smiles at him.

"I was helping her help you. When was the last time he ate? I'll have to ask Leliana and Josephine if he's been eating... Wouldn't want me to fuss over him. I can cook for him. A Ferelden cookbook, I'll have to thank Leliana later. Will need Cole's help. She needed me and I wanted to help." Cole tilts his head to the side and looks at Cullen, "did I help?" Cullen laughs and smiles at the spirit.

"Yes, Cole, you did."

"She is in the kitchen now, making something for you. A treat." Cullen turns and heads off towards the kitchen.

Lost in her thoughts, Ella hums happily to herself as she makes shortbread for Cullen. Having earned the trust of the kitchen staff, they are always happy to see her in the kitchen with them now. An exchange of ideas between their varying cuisines has led to newer and better dishes, which are appreciated by all. Putting the shortbread into the oven, she is startled to find Cullen watching her and smiling. "How long were you there?"

"A while, you were off in your own world and humming. I didn't want to interrupt you. So, Cole's been bringing me food you've made." Ella blushes and plays with one of her ebony curls.

"I figured it would be better that way, I know you don't like having anyone fuss over you, and I thought I could help you, without you feeling uncomfortable about it." Cullen laughs and takes her hands in his own.

"Were you the one that planted all of the extra elfroot and crystal grace?" Ella nods.

"Leliana told me about the bouquet you have by your bed, and I thought that might be what was keeping your nightmares at bay. So I wanted to make sure that we had enough so that there would be plenty for you and the healers." Cullen lifts one of her flour covered hands up and kisses her knuckles. Ella's blush deepens as she looks up at him.

"Thank you for thinking of me. You don't have to worry about me though."

"I could worry about you a little." Ella says, trying to not blush anymore. Cullen chuckles softly.

"I suppose that's all right. I'll let you get back to your baking, maybe we could share the results later?" Ella beams a bright smile at him.

"I would like that, maybe over a game of chess."


	12. Chapter 12

"We should have a ball," Josephine begins. A pair of groans escape Ella and Cullen in stereo. Josephine ignores them and presses on. "A ball to celebrate the anniversary of your victory. It is coming up in a couple of months, and the nobility will be expecting us to have some sort of celebration. Ella gives her an annoyed look and turns to Cullen hoping he'll provide some assistance. Much to her dismay he was staring at the map on the table.

"Why do we have to have a ball to suck up to the nobility? Why can't I have that one day to myself? We suck up to them most of the rest of the year." Ella glowers at Josephine. "They all end up trying to force one of their family members on me as a marriage contract." Cullen's head snaps up, and he stares at her in a startled panic. "I don't want any of them, and I swear if Sir Touchyfeely tries to grope me again, he'll have a dagger through his hand."

"How about a compromise? We have the ball, and you make an appearance. Then at some point, slip away and come back at the end of the ball."

"Fine. One thing, please invite Hawke and Merrill. I'd like to see them again, it's been too long."

"Consider it done Inquisitor. I was thinking we could meet up after the meeting, and discuss your dress for the ball." Ella gives her an exasperated look.

"What's wrong with the uniform I wore at the last ball?"

"It was covered in blood. Besides we need to get you something new, light." Leliana replies. "We could make it a lady's night. It's been a while since the last one, and it would be more fun that way." Ella sighs and nods in agreement. "Very good, I'll have the cook send our food up to your room like last time."

 

 

 

Leliana stands behind Ella, braiding part of her hair back, leaving a couple of wavy wisps of hair. The rest of her hair is left untouched, cascading down her back in ebony curls. A flower crown is placed on top of her head to match her dress. Ella stands and examines herself in the full length mirror. "This is beautiful." She says as she swishes the skirt of her dress. the dress is lilac purple with pale green elfroot embroidery. The skirt of the dress mimics the shape of a flower, and the neckline is shallow enough to give a hint of the fullness of her breasts, but leaves much to the imagination. Her feet are wrapped in a light green silk instead of shoes.

Mingling with the nobility makes Ella uncomfortable at best, angry at worst. Marriage proposals seem to be coming in from all side, and all she wants to do was hide.

"It looks like someone could use an escape." Hawke says as she approaches Ella, with Merrill at her side. Ella smiles at them in greeting.

"I could very much use a breather. How about we walk around the garden for a bit?" Hawke and Merrill follow as she heads out of the main hall. Sighing, Ella smiles at her friends. "It's nice to have a break from having to pretend to kiss ass for a while."

"Hopefully they at least had the decency to wipe first." Hawke replies with a grin. Ella laughs, and Merrill looks slightly confused.

"Have you seen Cullen around? I haven't seen much of him in the past couple of days."

"He's probably hiding somewhere." Merrill suggests. Ella nods thoughtfully.

"Probably in his office. I want to run him a plate of food and escape myself. Would the two of you cover me while I grab some food and make a run for it?"

"I can do that." Hawke grins. "Let me get Varric and we'll get you some peace and quiet." She and Merrill slip back into the ball, leaving Ella alone for a moment. Returning to the ball herself, she makes a plate for Cullen and a pint of ale. All eyes were on Hawke and Varric as they tell a story, partly recreating the tale. Ella smiles to herself as she slips into what used to be Solas's study, and makes her way toward Cullen's office.

"Checkmate." Cullen's voice comes through the door, followed by Dorian groaning in frustration. Ella pushes the door open and slips in side. Cullen looks up and gasps at her, a blush coming to his cheeks.

"I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you a plate. Hawke and Varric helped me escape by distracting everyone with a story." Ella says while handing Cullen the plate and the mug. "Hello Dorian." She and Dorian smile at one another before he excuses himself.

"You didn't have to." Cullen says, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

"I know, I wanted to. Did you want to be alone? I could go..." Ella turns to leave. Cullen grabs a hold of her hand.

"No. Please stay. If... If you want to. That is." Cullen says nervously, kicking himself mentally for stuttering. Ella smiles at him and sits down on the chair on the other side of his desk and motions for him to eat. They sit in companionable silence while he eats. Ella looks around his office and up to the blighted hole in his roof. How has he never gotten sick, she wonders to herself. A polite cough brings her out of her thoughts. Looking back into Cullen's eyes, she smiles at him shyly.

"I shouldn't keep you any longer," Cullen says, clearing his throat, "I'm sure there are many people in the hall looking to have some of your attention." He wrinkles his nose and makes a face before he can stop himself. Ella giggles and stands up.

"Actually, I was hoping to have a moment alone with you. To talk." Cullen stands up and walks to stands beside her by his book shelves. Ella looks at him, trying to form the words in her mind before she says them.

"There was something you wanted to tell me?" He asks softly, placing his hand on her arm. Words flicker in and out of Ella's mind before she can grab them to form a coherent thought. She bites her bottom lip and looks up at Cullen, thoughtfully.

"I...care about you, a great deal..." She begins.

"Is something wrong?" Cullen asks, worried

"No, it's just that I don't know how to go about expressing what you mean to me. I have the words but they escape me before I can get all out." Ella looks at him exasperated at her own short comings.

"You could show me how you feel." Cullen replies as he leans into her.

"I can do that." She whispers as she presses her lips against his, wrapping her arms around his neck. Cullen wraps his arms around her waist, pressing their bodies together. Deepening their kiss, they stand there in each others arms, hoping they won't have to part any time soon. The door to Cullen's office swings open, and they ignore it, until Josephine politely clears her throat. They separate and smile at each other before giving Josephine sheepish looks.

"So the answer to the dozen or so marriage proposals would be no?" Josephine grins at them both. "While I am glad the two of have finished the dance you have been engaged in for the past several months, you _both_ need to make an appearance in the ball." She finishes before turning and leaving. Cullen and Ella kiss once more before walking to the ball hand in hand.


End file.
